Passion-less

A passion can be anything. There is pretty much an infinite number of possibilities. Some people grow up knowing their passions. As children, they uncover that one thing that unleashes a compelling love and interest. This passion lives like a restless beast deep within their hearts. It motivates, inspires and encourages a mastering of a chosen craft. Passion can give an unwavering supply of energy, drive and determination.

I admire people who have discovered their passion. I always wished to be one of those who innately knew what they loved doing and could not imagine living without it. Unfortunately for me, I am not one of those people.

I have zero passions. “Passion-less” as I say. That sounds rather depressing doesn’t it?

The truth is, I don’t walk about feeling depressed nor as though life is pointless. I like my life. I can’t complain about how things have panned out. I have a great family and friends. I have a decent job. My days are generally ok. That’s the trouble, it all feels just ‘ok’. A two letter word that is so…. Mediocre.

So why do I generally feel so luke warm? I am pretty good at a lot of things. I’ve always been pretty decent at school, I’m good at my job, and I’m a relatively capable human being. However, I’m not fantastic at anything. I feel pretty mediocre about my interests.

The issue usually for me is – Let’s say I find an interest. I start out loving what I’m doing. I get super excited about a new project and I have a drive and fire that can seem endless, but that fire isn’t endless, it always fizzles. More often than not, I am left with countless projects and ideas that are started but left unfinished. After a few weeks, complete boredom sets in and a feeling of “been there, done that, got the T-shirt, time to move on” is what creeps in. I can never hold an interest long enough to get really fantastic at it. Sounds kind of like I have an attention problem, but I assure you, I have no psychological issues with attention.

The reality is, once I see my projects taking shape, I feel like it’s time to move on. It’s quite frustrating because many people consider this a trait of one who is lazy, unfocused, unable to complete, unable to commit and overall just not dependable. I don’t want to be any of these things. I hope I’m not these things, maybe I am… Yikes! Hmmmmm… no… I don’t think so though. I am pretty good at getting the things that “must be done” done and my working reputation and dependability has always been stellar. However, I have yet to find something that I feel so passionate about that it doesn’t feel stale after a few tries. Yes, I am one of those people, even into adulthood, who are still “trying to find their passion”.

Usually when I express my feelings about not having or not finding a passion, people come up with the same old advice.

“Do what you love and you will never work a day in your life”. Yawn, I heard this so many times. It hasn’t helped because I just can’t seem to find what I love to do. I love aspects of my job, but I still am always glad for a Friday. I wouldn’t describe chasing down the holidays as being passionate about work.

Another regular question is:

“What would you do if you were rich and didn’t have to work?”

Umm, I would probably buy a house on the beach and sip piña coladas and pay for my family and friends to come hang out with me on rotation throughout the year. So now that I know what my lazy ass would really want, this truly doesn’t bring me any closer to actually finding a passion. Unless maybe hanging out and spending lavishly is a passion. Neither of which I can financially maintain.

“Meditate on it. Do some soul searching” is another frequent tip.

I do my fair share of meditation. Meditation is great, I feel relaxed and calm. I look after my wellbeing, I eat relatively healthy (with the occasional pizza slice here and there) and have an attitude of gratitude. You know, the caring for the ‘holistic you’ routine. Yet, I still haven’t found that one thing that makes me want to jump out of bed in the morning (I am not a morning person if you didn’t realise).

However, the most sound advice that I came across was from an article that said:

“Try new things until find something that sticks”.

I figured this was probably the one piece of advice that I hadn’t followed yet. Thus was the birth of this blog.

Trying new thing #1 – Write a blog.

I’m going to give trying new and different things a shot and I will attempt to write a post on my experiences about what I have tried. Maybe the new things will be something exciting, maybe something understated, maybe something serious or funny. I am not a beginner to trying new things, but I do want to make it more intentional. I’m going to give it a go and perhaps stumble on something that I might be intensely passionate about. It could even be this blog. Maybe I will tap into some feeling beyond the initial excitement and awe of newness. Maybe I will feel deeply moved by some interest that will awaken that restless beast within me. Maybe I won’t. Who knows?

This journey might be days, weeks, months, years. Let’s hope my fire doesn’t fizzle out too soon.  Regardless, this process is intended to be a journey that I want to enjoy, if not to find my one true passion but maybe to find a passion for finding passions. At the very least I would acquire some new skills. Hopefully one day I will join the ranks of those people who have the relentless love for their craft and finally shed the skin of being passion-less.